Service is the Product’s Service and Products

I’ve been a writer since I was a kid. I’ve been in foodservice since I was a kid. I am currently a classroom non-government educator. I recently retired from bartending. It beckons to me. I believe the bartender is the best of what the house has to offer-when done properly. At best they are a chef -server-maitre d’ as well. The bartender can be  a simple automaton. The bartender at its worst is a costly liability. I’ve been all three. I can make your bartender better.

I can improve the overall service at your establishment. Service is the product. It’s the difference between paying someone to be an order taker and hiring a service professional. I have had horrible service at 5 star restaurants and incredible service in the drive through. I have gotten nicer smiles and help at The Salvation Army Store than I have at Saks. It’s not about getting exactly what I want. It’s about getting exactly what I  came for. If you don’t know the difference: contact me.Let’s not argue price. It’s crass. I have been given free meals for small complaints and felt more insulted than the original transgression had made feel. Especially if the problem wasn’t fixed. It’s dismissive.

Besides, I can go to a warehouse retail store to get the cheapest shirt, and have to dodge the forklift, walk around pallets , listen to the “associates” complain about the HR benefits and use language such as : Aint got none. I beg of you, just use profanity. When I look at the price, does it justify all the bad service I got? I excuse that kind of of passive retail by purchasing the product.  Don’t tell me that the double-hip recipient at the front door saying hello is service. Thank you for defeating national socialism and fascism sir, the country is grateful. When I get home that shirt, at that price, will act like the cheap suit it is.

I can go to a boutique and get a quality hand sewn shirt made of fair-trade egyptian cotton, and the snooty salesperson who thinks they’re doing me a favor, makes me say: Ain’t nobody got time for dat. 

SO, what do I do? I go to your restaurant, retail establishment, storefront, whatever you call a business, and I judge you. Then I gossip about it. Then we make me eat my words. I’m a hungry man, I love being wrong about bad service. I adore being shown up. I beg you, improve your customer service and shut me up. I double-dog dare you (Say ‘What’ one more time…)…I’ll even show you how and coach your staff.  I have a staff of my own who loves to be served properly.

This isn’t some secret shopper stuff. That’s voyeurism at best. I want you to know that I am judging you. Give me your best. That’s where we need to improve. If you’re faking it, I’ll tell. If it isn’t the same service I can clearly observe in other instances, with other customers, it’s fake. Your best is what you should be giving at all times.

I have a point by point system that begins before I even get to your place. It ends 30 days after I leave. It never ends on your end.

Service is the Product. Everything is available online. Expert content and copywriter’s have market-tested responses ready for me when I click a button, get a good price and receive the feedback that the cookies on my computer say I like. You’re better than that. It’ll show on your books.

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